Thursday, August 31, 2006
Age Current mood: calm Category: Life
Sometimes it is hard to believe that so much time has pasted us by.. I know I have been alive for 40 years and when I look in the mirror I think ... what happened... I know your only 25 or so??? Time ..... I guess when I sit back and think about all that has happened since I was 25... haha WOW... I have been given some tough lessons... and some really great rewards!! Jesus has a plan for us all!! Figuring out how to execute it is sometimes difficult, but I do believe if you have FAITH, and ask for some guidence you will find your way. If you would have asked me in my early 20's how I thought life would have turned out .. haha I would have NEVER guessed I would have lived through divorce 3 times... and NEVER would have imagined living through my son's death. Even though bad things happen... and the do... I have been able to learn that the GREATEST gift of all is the ability to be thankful to Christ for all the gifts he has givin me.. and the ability to forgive. When Nick was in the hospital and we had to make the decision to turn off the life support I was at the LOWEST point of my life. There is nothing that will ever compare....ever! When Blanca told me I should think about all the gifts I had been given I looked at her like she was crazy.. I said what the hell are you talking about?? My son is going to die..??? She told me I had to be grateful for the 16 yrs and 4 months that God lent him to me... He had taught me what is was to be a mom, what is was to love unconditionly, he made grow up and be a responsible adult. This child was my best friend and was by my side through thick and thin.... Almost every thought about my past includes him. The message Blanca gave me that day was that life is made of choices... I could sit in the corner and die or be bitter... or be grateful for the time that was given to me and remember each moment with joy in my heart... As for the other bad things that have happened.... Well lets just say they don't even compare!!! That is the forgiveness part..... Jesus wants us to forgive those that forsake and betray us.... and when you can do that.. it really lightens the load. So I guess I have earned the gray hairs.. and aged look... haha however loving the Lord and keeping Faith first has lightened my heart to still feel young... :) Some people wish they could turn back time.... but I am thinking nahhh I don't want to do that again...I am accepting those things I cannot change... and I am ready for something new with my 25 yrs old heart and my 40 old body... hahahahahahaha

What would have been the 1st Day of your Senior Year

Monday, August 14, 2006

Would have been the 1st day of Senior Year Current mood: melancholy
Today would be the first day of my son's Senior Year! I wish I could see him today....... Would he be driving or riding the bus??? Would he be picking up his buddies on the way?? How tall would he be now??? I am sure he would have been 6'2 or 6'3 by now... I wish I could see your smile..... I wish I could have woke you up today..... I wish you were here... Today is a hard day... Today I am having a pity party for myself... Life is not fair... I cope with your being gone everyday... just somedays are tough!! I miss you more than words can descibe!!! I know you are hangin' out with Jesus..... I know you are still here in spirit !!! Have a good day with Josh, Katlin, Kayla, James and all the rest of the kids!! I LOVE YOU SON!!!!! I MISS YOU SON!!!
Kiss Kiss My Sweet Angel Boy..... Love ~ Mom :)