Tuesday August 16th 2005

Well today has been a better day... I wrote to some people in hopes to get the word out about this "game" I want to make sure I can help someone else understand it and maybe save a kids life. I know you would want this too. It is hard to tell your story over and over.. I hope I don't have to watch the slideshow in my sleep... I will take the time to help others in your name son. As the months go by it hurts more and more.. I never would have imagined that I could be away from you for this long.. Sometimes I think you are gone to war.. It is so hard to wake up every morning and have to say to yourself... It is true.. the nightmire didn't go away.. He really is gone... I am working hard on living without you... but I hate it.. I think it will make me feel better to do something positive with my time and you would be happy too. You know I miss you and I love you... Keep my spot warm .... I will be there someday... Until then, I will keep writing..

LOVE YOU NICK
Mom

Monday August 15th 2005

Today was the first day of school..... I got the girls to school this morning and I don't think they knew how I felt. I tried my hardest to be really happy for them and smiled real big until I walked away..... Every time I looked around the school, in a classroom, or just at other kids all I could see was you.. The last 10 years I have gotten you ready for school.. Where are you??? I stinkin' miss you... I want my junior back... This SUCKS. I know you are hear with me... but it kills me in the morning when I hear your bus go by.... I want to wake you up and see you off everyday.... I want to hear about your day when you get home... I want you to tell me you don't have any homework when I know you do. lol... I am glad today is over.. I felt like I was in a train wreck at 8:45 am.. Your sister had a nice day. Please watch over them..

I LOVE YOU NICK..... I STINKIN' MISS YOU!!!!!

Mom

Sunday August 14, 2005

Well.... I haven't written in awhile.. We went on vacation the day after the last entry and that was a BIG milestone. It didn't seem right to leave without him.. I know he was with us in spirit. When we arrived at the camp of our Family Reunion I felt like crawling in a hole.. I thought I would not be able to breath.. We were greeted by the kids first...:) At first I was soooo sad when I saw them..... I wanted to throw a pitty party for myself.. but it was those wonderful kids that helped fill that HUGE VOID in my heart and drag me into having some fun. They got me to do things a wasn't going to do and I had a great time doing them. We went to the docks fishing two days in a row and that was great. I am very grateful to everyone there that made me feel good and missed Nick with me...

Thanks,
Michele